After hearing the news of the Virginia Tech shootings gun advocates immediately began promoting their theory that since these students and teachers were not armed, it was the fault of the anti-gun advocates that people were killed.
How convoluted is that thinking? Do you see a picture of an old-west shoot out on a college campus instead of the OK Corral?
The fault lies with those who are in denial about what causes people to resort to violence and our belief that corporal punishment does not harm children. The fault lies with those who think violence will create a path to non-violence. If we stopped using corporal punishment to create compliance with children we would stop creating violent adults.
U.S. laws and cultural values are unambiguous concerning adults who physically hit or verbally threaten adults. Such behavior is recognized as criminal, and we hold the perpetrators accountable. Why then when so much is at stake for society, do we accept the physical attack of children? The answer is not complicated. We cannot have empathy toward children until we can honestly acknowledge the mistreatment from our own childhood experiences and examine the shortcomings of our own parents.
To the extent we feel compelled to defend our parents and guard their secrets, we will do the same for others. We will condone corporal punishment and look the other way. By continually insisting that we "turned out okay," we are reassuring ourselves and diverting our attention from deeply hidden unpleasant memories.
Alice Miller, PhD, one of the most articulate children's advocates writing today, states:
o "Every smack is a humiliation."
o "Physical cruelty and emotional humiliation not only leave their marks on children, they also inflict a disastrous imprint of the future of our society. Information on the effects of the "well-meant smack" should therefore be part and parcel of courses for expectant mothers and of counseling for parents." The claim that mild punishments (slaps or smacks) have no detrimental effect is still widespread because we got this message very early from our parents who had taken it over from their own parents. Unfortunately, the main damage it causes is precisely the broad dissemination of this conviction. The result of which is that each successive generation is subjected to the tragic effects of so called physical "correction.""
Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, author, "If I'd Only Known...Sexual Abuse in or Out of the Family: A Guide to Prevention, specializes in: Mind, Body, Spirit healing and Physical/Sexual Abuse Prevention and Recovery. As an inspirational leader, Dr. Neddermeyer empowers people to view life's challenges as an opportunity for Personal/Professional Growth and Spiritual Awakening. http://www.drdorothy.net
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